AULD LANG SYNE

Times Square on January 1, 1967, the year I was born.

Happy New Year from the staff of The Steaming Poop blog. Be safe.

COME AND GO

I came across (no pun intended) this article on MSNBC that was just too good to pass up.

It's a story about Pleasures, an adult store in Huntsville, Alabama, that offers a convenient and discreet drive-thru service. My favourite part of this article is the loophole they have to jump through to sell some of their merchandise, as it is illegal to sell products intended for sexual pleasure, even though it isn't against the law to possess them.

WTF?

They are able to bypass the law by having customers fill out an anonymous 10-question survey, since the products can legally be sold IF said products are to be used for "unspecified medical, scientific, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purposes."

Unspecified medical, scientific, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purposes?

Wow. I don't know what that means, but it is ridiculously awesome, isn't it?

FILL YOUR HAND, YOU SON OF A BITCH (with oscars)

I'm not a big fan of remakes, especially of good films. I mean, what's the point? Besides, more often than not, the remakes suck. However, yesterday I saw the new version of True Grit, directed by Joel and Ethan Cohen, and have to say that it is one damn good movie. But then, I wasn't surprised, afterall, it was directed by Joel and Ethan Cohen.

40 years ago, John Wayne took home the Oscar for his portrayal of Rooster Cogburn in the original version and there has been lots of talk about a nomination for Jeff Bridges in the same role. Now the academy just LOVES its strange coincidences, and it would be amusing to see two actors nominated for playing the same role, 40 years apart. What would be even more amusing is to see two actors WIN Oscars for playing the same role, 40 years apart.

Now before all you poo-pooer's out there say it won't happen because actors don't win Oscars two years in a row better look again. Spencer Tracy, Louise Rainer, Katherine Hepburn, and Tom Hanks have all won Academy Awards for Best Actor/Actress two years in a row.

It could happen.

TWINCEST

San Francisco recently unveiled it's latest restored PCC streetcar. It has been painted and restored to represent the "Twin Cities" of Minneapolis-St. Paul.

I got this shot yesterday, as it was on a test run along The Embarcadero.

TRIBUTE

Whenever a Teena Marie song popped up on my iPod, I would always think how amazing it was that she wasn't as big a star as she should have been.

This woman knew how to sing a song.

Here is a clip from her appearance on Soul Train, performing my favourite song of hers "I Need Your Lovin."

BOX OFFICE

This is the time of the year when everyone and their mother comes out with a top ten list of films they thought were the best. I'd do the same but when I sat down to list the films I had seen, I couldn't even come up with ten.

It seems I didn't make it to the local cineplex as often as I thought I had. It is possible that I may have forgotten a movie or two (wish I had forgotten I had seen Shelter Island).

Anyway, here is my list of what I thought was worth seeing at my local theatre (in no particular order):

The Tillman Story - if the Academy gave out it's Oscars to films that really deserved them, this documentary on the real story of Pat Tillman would receive a Best Picture nod. Instead, we'll have to settle for an appearance on the Best Documentary nominee list.

The Fighter - This movie was so good, it may have turned me into a boxing fan. I couldn't get enough of Melissa Leo as the "momager" of boxer Mickey Ward (Mark Wahlberg). She is so damn good that I'm convinced they found her at some drunks bar in Lowell, Massachusetts.

Black Swan - It's expected that Natalie Portman will be sweeping the acting awards circuit this season, and probably with reason. She's great as the stressed out ballerina who is totally losing her shit as the opening night of Swan Lake approaches. This is also the first time I liked Mila Kunis.

Avatar - I've taken some heat for liking this movie, but so what. I did and if you can't handle that, then kiss my ass!

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work - There is no in between when it comes to Joan Rivers. You either like her or you don't. I love her because she is funny, but I also love her because she just doesn't give a shit what people say or think about her. She's had to fight her entire career, she's still here and she's still relevant. Rock on, Joan.

GIRL CRUSH

I just can't get enough of this woman. I love you, Judge Judy.

MONEY SHOT

A two-way Fifth Avenue and no crosstown traffic?

Personal opnion, but the first 15 seconds of Breakfast At Tiffany's are the best 15 seconds ever captured on film.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

It's hard to believe that New York City came THIS CLOSE to losing Radio City Music Hall, but it almost happened.

Dwindling movie audiences and a strict house policy of only booking "G" rated films sealed the fate of the fabled Art Deco palace as the future site of a hotel or office tower.

The world famous "Rockettes" kicked it into high-gear, and were able to drum up public support to save the theatre. It was eventually declared a historical landmark and today is it's 78th birthday.

LIFE LESSONS

Nothing frosts my weenie more than poor escalator etiquette.

Walkers on the left, tourists to the right. Seriously, folks, it's not that difficult. It's especially maddening since this particular escalator isn't very long.

Repeat after me, walkers on the left, tourists to the right. Walkers on the left, tourists to the right.

PICTURE THIS

I am hard-pressed to think of a sight more beautiful than New York City under a blanket of fresh snow.

While this isn't a picture of today's Nor'easter, it is an amazing shot that was taken by fellow Sharper Image survivor Raymond.

His website, raymofoto.com, is chock-full of awesome photographs like this one, check 'em out.

MUSIC MAKES THE PEOPLE COME TOGETHER

This is the time of the year when everyone and their mother comes out with a top ten favourite album list. Never one to follow a crowd, I'm taking a different route.

I am hard-pressed to come up with ten albums that came out this year worthy of a mention here on the 'poop, so instead, I'm picking out ten of my favourite songs from my MP3 player that you might like. So, in no particular order, here I go:

"I've Got You Under My Skin" - Frank Sinatra, Songs for Swingin' Lovers
Considered by most as the best Sinatra album, it is the perfect marriage of voice (Sinatra), song (Cole Porter) and conductor (Nelson Riddle). It doesn't get much better than this, kids.

"Outra Vez" - Vince Guaraldi, The Best of Vince Guaraldi
There is a certain kind of sophistication attached with Guaraldi and when this song comes on, I picture a smart, early 60's-era cocktail party with everyone dressed up like the cast of Mad Men.

"Touch My Body" - Mariah Carey (Seamus Haji Club Remix)
More often than not, club remixes fail but when this one pops up on the player, I find myself hitting the repeat button several times. Plus, there's a tubular bell in the background, which I love.

"Unfinished Sympathy" - Massive Attack, Blue Lines
Sounds just as fresh today as it did the first time I heard it back in the early 90's.

"Meadowlark" - Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes
A song so mournful yet so beautiful. It breaks my heart every single time I listen to it. Actually, this whole album is really good.

"Cousins" -Vampire Weekend, Contra
A fast-paced song with the bells at the end, which I love. Actually, this whole album is really good.

"I Have Nothing" - Whitney Houston, The Bodyguard Original Soundtrack
Ok, I'm a total sucker for this song and I don't care what you think, so kiss my ass!

"Black Mirror" - Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
Actually, this whole album is really good.

"Prelude to Tristan Und Isolde" - Wagner Orchestral Music, conducted by Daniel Barenboim & Orchestre de Paris
One of my favourite Woody Allen lines is from Manhattan Murder Mystery and it goes like this: "I can't listen to that much Wagner without getting the urge to conquer Poland." Spot on, Woody. Wagner did have a flare for dramatic music, didn't he?

"I Want Your Love" - Chic - Dance, Dance, Dance - Best of Chic
This one is my favourite 70's disco-era song, and it's one of unrequited love with a good beat that you can dance to. Included is a nice, generous helping of tubular bells, which I love. How could you NOT love a song like that?

TRIBUTE

Every year, Turner Classic Movies pays tribute to those in the industry that have passed with it's TCM REMEMBERS.

They always do it with such class, and this year is no exception.

AND A TRADITION WAS BORN

The first Rockefeller Christmas, as the landmark complex was being built.

Merry Christmas from the staff of The Steaming Poop blog.

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN

We weren't sure what the hell this sign outside of an empty Christmas tree lot was about, but it made Kim, Heidi, and myself laugh out loud and ask:

"WTF?"

PARTING GIFT

A nice little last day at the office gift to me from Mother Nature.

It's onward and upward from here.

SOCIAL GRACES

Nobody sends Thank You Notes anymore . . .

. . . well, no one but me and Larry David.

With his tongue firmly planted in cheek, the following is his thank you for the extension of the Bush-era tax cuts. I absolutely love Larry David and hope you enjoy this read, which I got from the New York Times.

THERE is a God! It passed! The Bush tax cuts have been extended two years for the upper bracketeers, of which I am a proud member, thank you very much. I’m the last person in the world I’d want to be beside, but I am beside myself! This is a life changer, I tell you. A life changer! 

To begin with, I was planning a trip to Cabo with my kids for Christmas vacation. We were going to fly coach, but now with the money I’m saving in taxes, I’m going to splurge and bump myself up to first class. First class! Somebody told me they serve warm nuts up there, and call you “mister.” I might not get off the plane! 

I’m also going to call the hotel and get another room so I don’t have to sleep on a cot in the kids’ room. Don’t get me wrong — I love a good cot. The problem is they tend to take up a lot of room, and it’s getting a little tougher in my advancing years to fold it up and drag it to the closet. I mean, I’d do it if I had to, but guess what? I don’t! Not with this windfall coming my way. Now I get to have my own room with a king-sized bed. And who knows, maybe I’ll even get some fancy bottled water from the minibar. This is shaping up to be the best vacation I’ve had in years. 

When I get home, thanks to the great compromise, the first thing I’m going to do is get a flat-screen TV. Finally I can throw out the 20-inch Zenith with the rabbit ears, the one I inherited from my parents when they died. The reception is terrible and I’m getting tired of going out to bars every time I want to watch a game. Last month, the antenna broke and I tried to improvise one with a metal hanger and wound up cutting myself. Every time I see that scab, I say to myself, “If, God willing, those Bush tax cuts are restored, I’m going to buy a new TV.” Well, guess what? They have been! 

It’s also going to be a boon for my health. After years of coveting them, I’ll finally be able to afford blueberries. Did you know they have a lot of antioxidants, which prevent cancer? Cancer! This tax cut just might save my life. Who said Republicans don’t support health care? I’m going to have the blueberries with my cereal, and I’m not talking Special K. Those days are over. It’s nothing but real granola from now on. The kind you get in the plastic bins in health food stores. Did someone say “organic”? 

The only problem is if, God forbid, the tax cuts are repealed in two years, how will I ever go back to Special K and bananas? Well, I did quit smoking, so I’m sure if push came to shove I could summon up the willpower to get off granola and blueberries. Of course, I suppose with the money I managed to save from the “Seinfeld” syndication, I probably could continue to eat granola with blueberries, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. 

Life was good, and now it’s even better. Thank you, Republicans. And a special thank you to President Obama and the Democrats. I didn’t know you cared.

FEED ME, SEYMOUR

The Napa Cabbage Salad at The Plant (Pier 3 location).

Leaf lettuce, Cabbage, Cilantro, Basil, Red Pepper, Mint, and Peanuts, topped off with a Sesame Lime Chili Vinaigrette.

Awesome vegan goodness.

GAME HATERS

Video game manufacturer Electronic Arts has become the latest in a growing list of companies that joined the It Gets Better project, aimed at gay and lesbian youths. Employees have recorded supportive videos, posted on YouTube, that have upset some consumers, who have been quite vocal about their displeasure:

"Homos ruined game"

"Ever bought an EA game? Then you're a (deleted) faggot!"

"This video is disgusting. I'm never buying another EA game again. (deleted) homosexual agenda. I urge all parents to keep any EA games away from their children to prevent them to be AIDS-spreading, Satan-loving scum"

There was one comment that was particularly awesome:

"It's good to see stuff like this. As a soldier, it hurts me to see such bigotry in a country I'm fighting for. We've got enough people outside the country that hate us, why hate each other. Rock on, EA!"

Rock on, indeed.

Kudos to Electronic Arts.

(msnbc was a source used for this entry)

GROUNDHOG DAY

For the second time this year, my calendar doubled-up on a day.

Take a closer look, I've got two Christmases this year. Does that mean I get double the presents?

PICTURE THIS

Just a couple of shots I took during a weekend visit to Idaho earlier this year.

TIS THE SEASON

Under the dome at the Westfield Center on Market Street.

CRITICS CHOICE

Three of my favourites that should be on your list of Christmas films to watch this season:

A Christmas Story
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Miracle on 34th Street (the original version)

MY OZ

take me back to Manhattan

take me back to New York

i'm longing to see once more

my little home on the hundredth floor

can you wonder why i'm gloomy

can  you smile when i frown

i miss the east side the west side

the north side and the south side

so take me back to Manhattan

that dear old dirty town

-- Cole Porter

OLD MAN MCCAIN

So it FINALLY happened today. The repeal of the ridiculous Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy that prevented gays from serving openly in the United States military is now official. It was overwhelmingly passed by both the House and the Senate.

Former Presidential candidate, current Arizona senator, and outspoken opponent of the repeal  John McCain had this to say:

"They're saying if it ain't broke, then don't fix it. I understand the other side's argument because of their social-political agenda, but to somehow allege that it has harmed our military isn't justified by the facts. I hope that when this legislation passes that we understand that we are doing great damage . . .

. . . it is a sad day."

It is a sad day? Wow, what an asshole. Maybe he should just retire and go back to Arizona, so he can chase those damn kids of his lawn.

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVES

This picture absolutely says it all, doesn't it?

There was a bill making it's way through Capital Hill that, if passed, would have guaranteed health benefits for the first responders on 9/11. It's a terrific idea, considering so many of them now suffer from a myriad of health issues, like emphysema, mesothelioma, etc. The average age of this group is 46, way too young to be suffering from these types of diseases.

It seemed like a no-brainer YES vote to me, especially since the Republicans have spent the last 9 years exploiting the attacks of 9/11 for their own political gain.

Instead, they have decided to show their true colors.

The benefits would have been paid for by the closing of a tax-loophole currently used by foreign companies doing business in the United States. However, Republicans have decided to use their file answer of "this would be bad for business," and say they plan to vote NO.

You know, Democrats have time and time again shown they are the party with no balls, but with this vote, the Republicans have shown they are the party with no heart.

Shame on you, Republicans, shame on you.

LEFT HOOK

You know, it's a little known fact that I was the body double for Mark Wahlberg in his lastest film The Fighter.

Shhhh, I don't want that little factoid to take anything away from what is an otherwise damn good movie.

CHASING WATERFALLS

I had no idea that the flow of the American Falls section of Niagara Falls was temporarily halted in 1969 to study erosion and rock formations.

Pretty dramatic, huh?

KISS KISS, BANG BANG

Monroe enjoying a playful moment with the camera.

INCURABLE ROMANTIC

"I like lots of things, but there are three things I like most: love, love . . . and love."

-- Anita Ekberg as Sylvia, the movie star in Fellini's La Dolce Vita

BIG MAC ATTACK

Oh, what I wouldn't give for a good burger right about now.

GIRL ON GIRL ACTION

It's a long way from a drunken dance with me at Table 50 (back in 2004) to Lincoln Center via BLACK SWAN, which I finally saw last night.

Natalie Portman was terrific and is the current odds-on favourite to take the Oscar for Best Actress. Yeah, she was that good.

Oh, and just for the record, I was the "drunken" one that night, not Natalie.

CHICKEN LITTLE

When the federal tax was created nearly 100 years ago, one senator said it could be the end of our "American experiment of individual freedom."

After the minimum wage, overtime rules, and Social Security  were created, people screamed that these were plans to "Sovietize America" and that America was being steered into the direction of "Communism, fascism, and Nazism."

When the Supreme Court ruled on the landmark case Brown Vs. the Board of Education (Topeka, KS), 101 members of Congress signed a statement that called the ruling "naked judicial power that would sow chaos and confusion, and diminish American greatness."

Wow.

It seems we have a history of losing our shit anytime Congress enacts laws or the Supreme Court rules on social issues that benefit everyone. The skies never fall, there isn't anarchy in the streets, and the government doesn't collapse. We eventually just shrug our shoulders andgo about our business, so I'm very disappointed (but not surprised) that health care, DADT, and tax increases on the rich are still issues that should NOT be issues.

Some of this comes from an interesting article I read on the New York Times this morning. Check it out and let me know what you think.

TO-DO LIST

Just something I saw recently that amused me.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

When I first saw the trailer for Black Swan a few months back, I thought to myself "HEH, sort of a Showgirls for the art-house set."

Facebook friend and internet stalker Kent is getting today's Pooper-Scooper Award for sending me this wicked BRILLIANT mash-up of these two films.

DOUBLE PENETRATION

In November, San Francisco voters OVERWHELMINGLY voted in favor of amending the city charter, which ended the guarantee that Muni operators always be the second-highest paid transit workers in the country.

Now, another guaranteed perk is on the chopping block.

A "special trust fund" that pays out as much as $3,000 to each Muni worker as a year-end bonus is being questioned as service cuts and fare increases continue. Muni is seeking to cancel this years' bonus, which is estimated to cost $3.5 million. Transit union officials have vowed fight this in court.

Welcome back to the real world, Muni workers.

DUMB AND DUMBER

Word on the street is that after nearly 100 years, the State Compensation Insurance Fund (workers compensation) is leaving San Francisco. The move, expected to save California an estimated $200 million over the next three years, is also blamed on the lack of brain power among the local hiring pool.

Applicants for employment are required to pass a civil servant-type test. Those who took the test in Eureka had a 90% pass rate, while those who took the same test here in San Francisco only passed 50% of the time.

Gee, what a shock.

MOVING VIOLATION

I came across this great, big metallic pile of wrong during a walk yesterday. A two-toned Cadillac Escalade with matching rims?

The only response that comes to my mind is one that Facebook friend and fellow choir nerd Heidi yells when she see's someone drive by in something similar:

"SORRY ABOUT YOUR PENIS!"

BARELY LEGAL

So I'm watching The Last American Virgin on television today. It's a pretty awful movie, but it's a reminder of what teen movies were like back in the 80's. We didn't have wimpy films like Harry Potter and the Whatever, Twilight, or shit like that.

We had REAL movies. Movies that we got to see without a parent or guardian, even though they were rated "R"(because the box office didn't care and didn't card). Movies that were filled with drugs, LOTS of sex, LOTS of nudity (male AND female), drinking, abortions, parties, and really, REALLY good music.

That's the way it was and WE LIKED IT!

Seriously, we did.

Most of the movies in this genre were not good, however, some have become true classics, and this is a little bit of what we saw:

Fast Times at Ridgemont High - (Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason-Leigh, Judge Reinhold, Phoebe Cates) based on the essays of Cameron Crowe, who went undercover at a San Diego-area high school to catalog the sexual goings-on of the modern high school student.

Risky Business - (Tom Cruise, Rebecca De Mornay) local preppy goes pimp, suburban-style, while his parents are out of town - yeah, it could happen.

Little Darlings - (Kristy McNichol, Tatum O'Neal, Cynthia Nixon) two girls attending summer camp bet on who will LOSE their virginity first.

Valley Girl - (Nicolas Cage, Deborah Foreman) modern update of the good-girl falling for the good-guy from the wrong-side of the tracks. In this case, he lives in the rough, tough, punk-rock town of Hollywood. She lives in the safe, mall-riddled San Fernando Valley.

Losin' It - a carload of boys (Tom Cruise, Jackie Earle Haley) drive to Tijuana to lose their virginity, but end up getting lessons on how to treat a lady from divorcee Shelley Long.

Spring Break - (no one important) two nerds drive from New York City to Fort Lauderdale for sex, alcohol and wet t-shirt contests during, well, spring break.

Porky's - (Kim Catrall, Boyd Gaines, and no one else really important) this one is the holy grail of teen sex comedies and was a MONSTER hit. High schoolers in 50's-era Fort Lauderdale seek revenge on the owner of a local whorehouse who steals their money.

The Last American Virgin - (Steven Antin and no one else really important) this REALLY bad and depressing romp, like Valley Girl, takes place in The Valley. The good guy and the bad guy are best friends yet they both like the same girl. The bad guy gets the girl pregnant and dumps her. The good guy swoops in, pays for her abortion and supports her choice the whole way. Then later, at a party, the good guy walks in to see the bad guy and the no-longer pregnant girl making out. The good guy walks out, drives away, cries and the credits roll. Seriously, that's how the movie ends.

Long live the 80's.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS CITY IN THE WORLD IS . . .

. . . San Francisco.

Shocking, right?

Last Saturday marked the return of the yearly Retard Pride Parade, also known as Santa Con. The event, which started in San Francisco (of course it did) back in 1994, has spread around the world like a Valtrex-resistant strain of herpes. It's nothing more than people who barhop around town dressed as Santa and then stain the sidewalks with their urine and vomit.

PICTURE THIS

I came across these Mark Shaw photographs and couldn't resist posting them here. They're pretty awesome, right?

GUILTY PLEASURE

Firework by Katy Perry has found it's way on to my mp3 player.

Yes, your Honor, I am guilty. I am guilty of love, in the first degree.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Several months ago, I participated in a texting converation with a friend that went something like this:

Him:   OMG you look so much like Glenn Ford

Me:    LOL huh
Him:   Dude seriously, you just like him
Me:    What the hell are you talking about
Him:   You know Glenn Ford from the movie Gilda
Me:    LOL I know who he is but I don't know what the hell you're talking about

It was such a random thing to hear, especially from someone I hadn't talked to in a while.

Anyway, I recently came across this photo of Glenn Ford (although I'm not sure what film this is from) and laughed because, I can sort of see what he was talking about. I especially love that he's napping with what appears to be a book on his chest and gun by his side, just like I do.

It's like looking in a mirror.

YEAH, YEAH, JOY TO THE FRIGGIN' WORLD

Happy Holidays from New York City. Now get the hell outta here!

THIS HOUSE IS EXQUISITE

I'd like to make an offer.

Actually, I think this picture is exquisite, too.

BRIDGEWORK

News on the street today says that the 59th Street Bridge, linking Manhattan to Queens, is going to be renamed after former mayor Ed Koch.

Hmm, I'm not sure I like this.