NOT IN MY BACKYARD

This amusing letter was brought to my attention during a family lunch at Sol Food in San Rafael, yesterday. Kudos to Mrs. Hernandez for hanging this amusing little piece of bullshit for everyone to enjoy.

Here is what the letter says:

Dear Mrs. Hernandez:

The lime green color you selected for your restaurant is garish and ugly. That color may be appropriate for Puerto Rico, but it isn't for Marin County. You could have used a warm and colorful scheme like Los Camerillos, just up the street. It's attractive and tasteful.

I enjoyed the food at your place on Fourth Street, but I will not patronize your new place unless you repaint it. Furthermore, I will encourage my friends not to dine at your restaurant until you remove the lime green blight.

Sincerely,

Angelo

Oh Angelo, I'm sure you're a very nice guy but I wonder if you buy your sheets at the KKK-Mart?

PICTURE THIS

Cookie and Irving's rooftop jamboree with the Retro Camera app.

FILM THEORY 101: A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH

Directed by Michael Powell and beautifully photographed by Jack Cardiff (the team also responsible for Black Narcissus and The Red Shoes), this classic from 1946 is a sumptuous feast for the eyes.

The film is about a British wartime pilot (David Niven) who cheats death, following a wartime air crash, and then must argue for his life before a celestial court, after falling in love with an army radio operator, played by Kim Hunter (future Oscar winner for A Streetcar Named Desire). It was somewhat controversial at the time, as Earth was presented in vibrant Technicolor, with "Heaven" shown to be in standard black and white.

The color strike on this film is so breathtakingly beautiful and crystal clear that I felt as if I was watching the story unfold outside my window, rather than on my television.

This wasn't even a Blu-Ray disc, either.

It has been said the drab and infamously foggy weather of England (where this film and the two others listed above were shot) played a huge role in how color films appear on screen. Some believe the misty air creates a natural diffusion, giving these films, in particular, a soft, almost dream-like look.

The movie is quite good as well, I highly recommend it.

GO, SPEED RACER, GO

The Audi A3 (nickname Applesauce), last night's ride, courtesy of ZipCar.

Oh baby, was this FUN.

FEED ME, SEYMOUR

chicken, garlic, and artichoke hearts

Family pizza night at the beloved Old Chicago Pizza in Petaluma.

POT KETTLE BLACK

I am truly at a loss about Sarah Palin's place in our society. She is the most smarmy, egotistical, and off-putting person on the political landscape. Palin is the quintessential Mean Girl.

Here is a clip of her comment about Katie Couric leaving the CBS Evening News. I find it a bit amusing, since I'm sure Ms. Palin has NEVER used a TelePrompter.

She is SUCH a bitch.

VACATION ALL I EVER WANTED

I'm not sure what it is about old travel posters that I love, but I came across these three that caught my attention. Maybe it's the romantic and glamorous tone, or maybe I'm just feeling wistful about what it must have been like to travel when the world was a much bigger place.

MY mini OZ

It's the littlest biggest city in America (if that makes sense).

Artist Michael Chesko's miniature (literally) of Manhattan measures in at 36"x30"

REFERRAL BONUS

One of the many reasons the Clinton Administration was so damn successful, was because it was PACKED with people who knew what the hell they were doing.

Robert Reich was one of them (Secretary of Labor), and he has since gone on to become the Chancellor's Professor of Public Policy at the University of California at Berkeley. Mr. Reich also writes one terrific blog, robertreich.org.

Check it out.

CHURCH CHAT

"The American elites are guided by their desire to emulate the European elites and, as a result, anti-religious values and principles are coming to dominate the academic, news media, and judicial class in America"

-- so says the trice-married, cheating husband, recent Catholic convert and rumoured Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich

"Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law."

-- Thomas Jefferson

It's good to see that at one time, we were a more clear-thinking country. I'm so tired of people trying to "save" the rest of us.

ROMAN HOLIDAY

Enjoying a moment of levity with Debbie, Yin, and the Electric Eel shock simulator at the California Academy of Science in Golden Gate Park.

TUG OF WAR

MAN IN THE MIRROR

A lot has been said about Kobe's recent slip of the tongue, including a nice little callout from Meg on Hey Red, Hey, for his blatently disingeniuous apology/public service announcement. Just in case you don't know what was said, he was caught on camera calling a referee a "Fucking Faggot" for a call Mr. Bryant didn't care for.

I really had no plan to say anything because, let's face it, he's a dickhead sports personality, so I wouldn't have expected anything less. However, I can't keep my mouth shut now that I've seen these hilarious photos of Mr. Bryant, which appeared in the Los Angeles Times Magazine last year, so I'm just going to say this:

Hey Kobe, people who scream Faggot the loudest usually are.

TARDY TO THE PARTY: BLADERUNNER

It was widely panned upon it's initial theatrical release back in 1982, but gained a bit of a cult following. Every couple of years for the last twenty years, it seems a new "restored" version is released, i.e. "The Director's Cut," "The True Director's Cut," etc. I'm sure that in another year or two, another version called "really, this is the TRUE final cut - for real" will be released.

Anyway, I've only seen bits and pieces of it over the years but finally sat down for "The Final Cut" version on DVD last night. It's kind of a strange film, but I still liked it, especially in Blu-Ray. The perfect format for this film.

GUILTY AS SIN

I just happened to have the TV on VH1 last week when the first episode of Mob Wives aired. I rolled my eyes, but I didn't change the channel.

This week, I did changed the channel . . .

. . . to VH1, so I could watch the second episode.

I'm so embarrassed, but I just couldn't help myself. I even have a favourite "Mob Wife" and she's the skinny blond in the picture above. Her name is Drita DeVanzo, and that Drita is one deranged bitch. She's exactly how I like my Staten Island housewives, and I love her for it.

Yes, your honor, I am guilty. Guilty of love in the first degree.

HAPPY EASTER BUNNY

Bok bok.

Happy egg hunting from staff of The Steaming Poop blog.

ADDRESS BOOK

9 E. 78th Street, Apt. 1R

This shared, rent-control, three-bedroom, three-bathroom duplex with a private backyard, outdoor gas grill (before everyone had them) and a washer and dryer in the apartment was where I laid my hat (and a friend) the first year I lived in New York City, beginning February of 1995.

BOOK WORM

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

Whew, what a first sentence. I know I've should have read this book YEARS ago, but better late than never, right?

SCARF N BARF - A TRIBUTE

There was once a columnist who (for many years) wrote for the Petaluma Argus-Courier newspaper, Bill Soberanes. Within that column, he would sometimes include a list called "You know you're an oldtimer if you remember . . ." and he would list some long-gone places and if you remembered it, you knew you were an old-school Petaluman.

I'm using that column passage as a tribute to long-gone but fondly remembered hamburger stand known around town as Scarf-n-Barf (although the official name was The Snack Bar). It was announced on Facebook that the owner of Scarf-n-Barf had recently passed away at the age of 95.

As you can see from the picture above, it wasn't much at all, just a run-down drive-thru (Petaluma's first, by the way) that served up the greasiest burgers (5 for a buck) and fries you ever saw. Seriously, the bag they gave you the food in was so greasy it was practically see-through. My grandmother would drive us over there (in her really cool metallic blue 1966 Thunderbird - DAMN, I loved that car) and when those greasy bags were handed over, I was always told to put the bag on the floor so the grease wouldn't get on the upholstery.

Those burgers were just about the best I ever had and judging from the postings on the Facebook page, I'm not the only one who remembers how good AND greasy they were.

UNIVERSAL (healthcare) SOLDIER

To: Anthem Blue Cross
From: Scott Crayne
Account Number: 212FUCKYOU
Re: Policy Cancellation

To whom it may concern:

I just received in the mail yesterday my second rate increase notice in less than six months. This is unacceptable, so please let this serve as notice of cancellation.

When I first signed up for this policy, it was six months before I used it, and when I did, it was for a long-overdue doctor visit. That first visit triggered an investigation as to why I going to the doctor, with copies of my medical records requested by your medical investigations unit.

What, do you guys think you're CSI, or something?

I was very disturbed by this action. I mean, isn't this what health insurance is for? Well, Anthem/Blue Cross, the joke is on you. As an active participant in my health, there is nothing wrong with me, and my medical records confirmed that. Funny, I would think I'd be your ideal policy holder, someone who pays his monthly premium yet rarely goes to the doctor.

When I injured my knee (at the gym), you fought every claim sent in by the doctors who saw me, even though you eventually paid those claims (since you found the visits and treatments prescribed by the doctors were medically necessary). Then, you had a third-party company start sending me harassing letters regarding my injury, stating that it was their understanding my injury was caused by an accident, and could I please forward them information so they could, on your behalf, seek compensation from the gym where my injury happened.

Really? Wow, what a set of balls you guys have. Those letters were ignored, and they will continue to be ignored. Oh, and just for the record, the injury was my fault, and was not caused by poorly maintained equipment or human error on the part of the gym.

Sometimes, shit really does happen.

Because of all this ridiculousness, I have decided to take my chances with the universal health care program offered by the City of San Francisco called Healthy San Francisco. This is a program that has gotten some very high marks.

For many reasons, my personal beliefs are that the health insurance policies should NOT be sold by publicly-held companies. Time has shown that it's not about the health maintenance of your policy holders, which is what you should be encouraging. It's all about the bottom line, and the multi-million dollar salaries of your executive staff and dividend payouts to shareholders.

You should be ashamed of yourself. You will not be missed, so let's not say we'll keep in touch.

Coldest regards,

Scott Crayne

TRANSAMERICA

Oh my god, just give up the ghost, get the fucking surgery, and call it a day, Tyler.

Seriously.

ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS

You would think that Christians, who go on and on and on (and on) about God's green earth and how he created it in seven days, would fight harder to save it.

Starbucks Coffee is celebrating Earth Day by giving everyone who brings in their own cup or tumbler, a free coffee or tea. However, as always, a "Christian" has decided to rain on the parade with an amusing post on the web page that set off a flurry of comments.

Check it out here.

Oh, and happy Earth Day.

UNDER THE SEA, UNDER THE SEA

Treasure Island, site of the 1939 Golden Gate Exposition

The San Francisco Planning Commission has approved a plan to allow the development of Treasure Island, but the vote was close, 4-3.

I'm not sure this is a good idea and here's why:

• the island is man-made and not earthquake safe
• with rising ocean levels, why would you put it in the bay, it's going to be underwater by mid-century, anyway
• there is only one freeway entrance and exit, making bridge traffic a mess and evacuation in the event of a disaster nearly impossible

Don't even get me started with the toxic soil issues, don't even get me started. As a former naval base, you know that ground is a chemical nightmare.

VOMITORIUM

I've written many times about San Francisco being the most ridiculous city in the world, and with reason.

La Cocina has gotten the go-ahead to begin selling it's popular tacos in Dolores Park, beginning April 30th. Neighborhood "activists" have been fighting the commercialization of the park for a long time now, and one of those "activists" is taking his protest to the next level.

Former mayoral candidate "Chicken" John Rinaldi is calling on all people opposed to food vendors in our parks to join him in protest by vomiting around the food trailers at 2pm.

What a dick.

I'm not sure if he's going to stick his finger down his throat or what, but I'd like to offer up my services and give him a good round-house kick in the balls, if he's having trouble with the upchuck.

PICTURE THIS: MY NEW PHONE

So it was a quiet night at home a few days back (alright, I was bored), and I was trying out the Retro Camera app on my new phone, the Droid Pro.

This is gonna be so much fun.

BOOK WORM

photo by Robert Mapplethorpe

"When I look at it now, I never see me. I see us."

I purposely slowed my reading of Just Kids by Patti Smith, and reached the last heartbreaking pages a few days ago. I am hard-pressed to remember when I last enjoyed reading a book so much.

A true piece of art.

Well done, Patti.

ME AND MRS. JONES

"Oh, he gave me special instructions back of the pulpit Christmas Eve. He got to howlin' "Repent! Repent!" and I got to moanin' "Save me! Save me!" and the first thing I know he rammed the fear of God into me so fast I never heard my old man's footsteps!"

-- Shirley Jones, in her Oscar-winning performance as prostitute Lu Lu Baines in the film, Elmer Gantry.

Such a GREAT line from a great film. Even greater was watching Shirley from the first row (along with cousin and fellow heathen Iliana) at the Castro Theatre (along with Turner Classic Movies host Ben Mankiewicz).

TREASURE TRAIL

just past the beginning of the Pleasant Hill leg of the trail

when the trail winds towards Alamo

the trail as it approaches Danville

the trails end at the Dublin BART station

My more regular poopers know of the love I have for the weekend bike ride. Lately, I've been riding up to San Rafael for lunch at Sol Food. This Saturday, however, I hoped onto BART for my favourite bike trail, the Iron Horse.

Located on a former railroad line between Concord and Dublin, it was turned into a shared bike and hike trail back in the 80's. I pick up the trail at the Pleasant Hill/Contra Costa Centre station and peddle my fat ass along grassy fields, horse barns, and the (currently green) rolling hills of the east bay.

The trail ends 19 miles later (literally) at the fare machines of the Dublin BART station.

roundtrip BART ticket: $10.60

time spent riding: 90 minutes

a euphoric afternoon: priceless

PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKEBOX, BABY

If The Human League and The Thompson Twins had a child, they could have named it Cut Copy.

Their show, at the Regency Ballroom last Saturday evening, was totally awesome (fer sure). Along with the equally terrific opening act Holy Ghost!, listening to the 80's-inspired synth-pop sound from both groups was like getting a great big warm hug from 1983.

So much fun, thanks again, Cookie.

(photos courtesy of black socks productions)

TARDY TO THE PARTY - PIRANHA 3D

Big boobs, bad acting (which usually goes hand in hand), and great big buckets of blood.

I finally saw Piranha 3D this weekend and I absolutely loved it . . .

. . . every awful minute of it!

THE MANHATTAN PROJECT

There once was a time when we were so hawkish about Atomic Energy (what Nuclear Power was called back in the glory days), that it was sold under the guise it would be so cheap it wouldn't have to be metered.

While perusing through the New York Times recently, I read an article I found very chilling. I was amazed to read that nearly 50 years ago, city residents came THIS CLOSE to having the world's largest nuclear power plant built smack dab in the middle of the most populated city in America, just across the river from Manhattan.

Luckily, clearer thinking prevailed and the project was abandoned. Click here to read the article.

NO CLIFFHANGER

I don't know if I can live in a world where Erica Kane is no longer on television.

ABC announced yesterday that, along with One Life To Live, the long-running All My Children will leave the air later this year. They are being replaced with a reality show and a show about cooking called The Chew.

(sigh)

Yet further proof that End Days really are upon us.

FROM THE STEAMING POOP SPORTS CENTER

I'm so happy to report that my Yankees are in first place, AL East. I will never stop following them, however, I was recently approached by some big wigs affiliated with the local World Champion San Francisco Giants about expanding my coverage to include them. It is currently being discussed among the staff members of the steaming poop and no decision has been reached just yet.

Anyway, here are some photos of Candlestick Park, as it appeared in 1960, when the Giants first played there until their new stadium opened in 2000.

THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO

The cable car turnaround on Powell Street, when it still intersected with Market and Eddy Streets, sometime in the 1950's.

ROCK HARD

Cement factory across from Robin's place.

RADIO DAYS

Fellow Liberty Four member Gwen brought this amusing little note to my attention, recently. It could easily have been written by Cookie or Irving.

EAT SHIT AND DIE

As if Japan hasn't been through enough, Burger King has decided it's the perfect location to unveil their latest menu item.

This cheeseburger is topped off with bacon AND a chicken breast, and weighs in at nearly 1200 calories. They have decided to call it the Burger King Meat Monster.

Gross.

They should have called it Eat Shit and Die.