TRIBUTE

Her monologue here is slightly risque and maybe even a bit obnoxious, yet she's absolutely on the mark and wickedly brilliant. She is, how we say in the business "killing it!

This is Joan Rivers at her very best!

You did good, Joan. Very good, indeed.

BOOKWORM

"One time, my hitchhiking date was Patricia Hearst. As we walked toward Route 6 from Provincetown, we quickly go a ride, but I don't think the driver recognized me until we got in, me in the front, her in the back. He kept doing double takes looking over at me and finally said, "Are you John Waters?" and I said, yes and at the same time he looked in the rearview mirror, I said "And that's Patty Hearst." He looked totally shocked but I could tell he realized it was her. "He made me do it," Patty deadpanned, and I was so proud of her improvisational skills. We were now a hitchhiking comedy duo."

"Later, her husband, Bernie, whom I love but realize is the head of security for Hearst Corporation, was a little perturbed when she told him of our day's adventure. "Oh, come on, John," he said with impatience, "hasn't she had enough trouble?!"

I guess he was right.

-- John Water, Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America

I'm only on page 9 and I've laughed out loud several times already. I wouldn't expect any less from one of my favorite people.

CITY LIGHTS

I'll try to be as brief as possible.

The Tramp (Charlie Chaplin) meets a homeless blind woman selling flowers on the street and is immediately taken by her beauty. When he realizes that she cannot see, he decides to do whatever he can to raise enough money (which he does) for the surgery she needs to restore her sight (which she gets).

High-jinx ensue.

Although this clip is four minutes long, I guarantee the payoff at the end is more than worth it. The final scene is, without a doubt, the finest and most powerful moment ever captured on film and I am secure enough in my masculinity to admit that I'm a blubbering mess the minute she touches his hand and realizes who this hobo really is.

Yes, City Lights is a silent film but that's okay, because sometimes words just get in the way.

THE RED BALLOON

It was my first art film.

First seen in elementary school (probably first grade), there aren't many films that move me more than this Oscar-winning classic. It took the award for Best Screenplay (1956), which is kinda funny since there is virtually no dialog.

But that's okay, sometimes words just get in the way.

J'adore ce film tellement!

LIAM BAILEY

Lush, soul-drenched vocals combined with an old-school R&B vibe and a little bit of longing torch and country twang, Liam Bailey's debut album, Definitely Now, is definitely one for the ages. 

Seriously, this could be the finest album of 2014. 

Take a minute and listen to my current personal favorite, Autumn Leaves, and I'm sure you'll quickly understand why I listened to this song five times in a row.

Yeah, it's that good.

OPENING ACT

Being the opening act for a headliner is more often than not a thankless job. I've often sat through shows where the entire performance was booed by the audience. Maybe sometime I'll tell you the story two-time Tony Award-winning actor Nathan Lane once shared with me about his experience as the opening act for country singer Eddie Rabbit at the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma back in 1983.

Let's just say that when he finished sharing his sad tale, I immediately apologized on behalf of an audience filled some assholes that I'm sure I actually knew. I know what you're thinking because I thought the same thing: Eddie Rabbit's opening act was Nathan Lane?

Talk about a totally random pairing, huh?

Anyway, I'm posting about it today because I caught the first of Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings three sold-out shows at The Fillmore Auditorium last Thursday evening and let's just say Valerie Jones' experience as an opening act couldn't have been more different than Mr. Lane's. I found her mix of bluegrass, funk, R&B and rock to be absolutely brilliant.

Seriously, she had the audience in her hands.

Although there isn't an official video for her song Wanna Be On Your Mind, I still invite you to sit a spell and enjoy my personal favorite from her 2013 debut album Pushing Against A Stone.

THE 80'S

I have to admit that it hurt just a little bit when I saw on the news earlier that 35 years ago today, the first Sony Walkman appeared on store shelves.

Actually, it hurt quite a bit because I owned several of them throughout the greatest decade of the 20th century. I purchased my first one in 1983, along with two Pat Benatar cassettes, Live From Earth, and Get Nervous. For some strange reason, even though I had already made my purchase, I asked my mom from the backseat of our car if I could buy one. She said no and when I asked why, she replied "Because I said so." 

I rolled my eyes and as she drove, I quietly opened the packaging of my now contraband music player, installed the batteries, inserted the cassette into the player and hit the fast forward button to Love Is A Battlefield.

Such a rebel, huh?

LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the music video from the first song I ever heard on a Walkman, Pat Benatar's Love Is A Battlefield.

You're welcome.

THE HANGOVER

We laughed, we cried, we kissed four hours goodbye - okay, maybe three and a half. Anyway, here is how I saw the show last night, which I have to admit, was pretty good.

The "Selfie" heard 'round the world.

Pharrell Williams Happy, from the animated film Despicable Me 2, didn't win the award for Best Original Song, but maybe it should have. I downloaded it during the telecast and it's my new favorite song.

“ . . . And I have to say one of the most amazing Liza Minnelli impersonators I have seen in my entire life. Just really, seriously, good job, sir.” Liza is clearly annoyed with the joke but her sister, Lorna Luft (left) looks like she almost peed in her dress from laughing so hard. Best joke of the night.

The Oscars chose to mark the 75th anniversary of the 1939 classic film The Wizard of Oz and Pink did a damn good job with her rendition of Over The Rainbow, but I'm confused about why this particular film was singled out. 1939 is generally considered to be the year Hollywood turned out its finest films (Gone With The Wind; Gunga Din; Stage Coach; Mr. Smith Goes To Washington; Goodbye, Mr. Chips; etc), and a tribute to that entire year would probably had been more appropriate.

HORSE RACE

"In a horse race like the Oscars, bloodlines count, and Liza's got the bloodlines."

-- Rock Hudson before announcing Liza Minnelli as winner of the Best Actress in a Leading Role at the 1972 Oscar ceremony.

Hudson's cringe-inducing banter was in reference to that years so-called Horse Race between Best Actress nominees Liza Minnelli for Caberet and Diana Ross for Lady Sings The Blues. For whatever reason, the Best Actress category is often referred to as a Horse Race. It is rather offensive if you think about it, but so be it.

My personal favorite Horse Race for Best Actress is the one that took place in 1950. The list for that year was particularly good:

Bette Davis for All About Eve

Anne Baxter for All About Eve

Gloria Swanson for Sunset Boulevard

Judy Holliday for Born Yesterday

Eleanor Parker for Caged

This is a pretty amazing list of actresses to choose from but in my humble opinion, the only Horse Race that year was between Judy Holiday and Gloria Swanson, and here's why: 

Eleanor Parker never stood a chance. Caged is a campy romp about women in prison. Although it's pretty laughable today, the film was also nominated for Best Picture and Best Supporting Actress (Hope Emerson).

Go figure.

All About Eve is probably one of the best written film scripts ever! Bette Davis desperately wanted to be the first actress to win three Oscars for Best Actress and felt that Anne Baxter should have been submitted in the Best Supporting Actress category. Anne Baxter disagreed, correctly reminding everyone that she was the title character, although with the appearance of both actresses in the same category, they sort of canceled each other out.

Gloria Swanson's appearance in Sunset Boulevard was a major comeback. A superstar from the silent era, Swanson hadn't been seen on the big screen in years, and anyone who has seen Sunset Boulevard would agree that her mesmerizing performance is absolutely Oscar-worthy.

Last up, Judy Holliday for Born Yesterday. To win an award, you only need a minimum of 21% of the vote and I really think that's how Holliday was able to take home the Oscar for Best Actress.

Although she was openly disappointed she didn't win, Davis was quoted as saying "Oh good, a new comer" when Holliday was announced the winner. When Baxter later said that maybe she should have agreed to have been submitted for the Best Supporting Actress category, Davis is reported to have replied:

"Yes, you should have."