The Steaming Poop: October 2011

October 31, 2011

WHITE WEDDING

It has been reported that Kim Kardashian and her "husband" Kris Humphries made over $18 million dollars on their so-called wedding.

Not a bad payout for a union that barely lasted 72 days.

Well, thank goodness the sanctity of marriage has been saved for assholes like these two.

FABULOUS HALLOWEEN

Best Halloween wishes to you from the staff of The Steaming Poop blog.

October 30, 2011

October 29, 2011

" . . . this school is about one mile from the Pacific Ocean, so we were put through “tidal wave drills,” the calm procession out of the classroom into this yard where we would assemble in orderly lines. To await the tsunami wave to wash us away, apparently. Even as a five year old I thought going outside and standing there in the open was a stupid idea."

"I wondered why they didn’t, instead, teach us to climb up on the roof."

It has been suggested that Raymond, fellow Sharper Image survivor and Facebook friend, was the inspiration for the character Harold from the classic '70's film Harold and Maude.

No, not really, but his biting wit and demeanor makes me almost believe that it could be true.

Anyway, he recently wrote a piece on his blog, RayMoFo, about his now-closed elementary school (Sanchez Elementary School) experience down in Pacifica, and how he wasn't buying into the bullshit, even at five or six years old.

You should check it out, it's pretty hilarious.

FOODIE CALL

My order, the Toro Steak Salad -
sautéed steak strips, mixed greens, onions, avocado, tomato, creamy cilantro dressing.

Steve ordered the Salmon B.L.T. - grilled sustainable salmon,
bacon, lettuce, tomato, olive tartar sauce, herb ciabatta bun

Lunch at Fresca, on 24th Street, between Sanchez and Noe.

Very nice.

October 28, 2011

TRICK

That's right, Mike Napoli, hang your head in shame.

Welcome home, David Freese

The 2011 World Series has been what a series is supposed to be: FUCKING EXCITING.

I'm loving that the St. Louis Cardinals are making the TexAss Rangers work so damn hard, and I'm gonna scream so freaking loud when the Cards take the pennant tonight.

TREAT

This is one treat I'd love to see in my halloween candy bag.

TRICK OR TREAT BAG

95 percent of my work is now done at home, but for some reason, still WANT this bag.

October 27, 2011

THE GREAT PUMPKIN

The Pumpkin Ale from local brew pub Buffalo Bills in Hayward.

Very nice.

COSTUME PARTY

Here are a couple of Halloween costume ideas that are sure to make your special day extra scarifying.

SCARY MOVIE

Halloween arrives this Monday, so here's my annual scary movie list of movies I recommend:

Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960) - It's one of his best and one of my favourites.

John Carpenter's Halloween (1978)

Garry Marshall's Pretty Woman (1990). Scariest movie ever made, seriously.

October 26, 2011

MONSTER MASH

Vampira

Dracula

the Creature

A classic

HOW TO KILL MONSTERS FOR DUMMIES

Just in time for Halloween.

WHORE STORY

Former child star Lindsay Lohan, 42, has announced that she will pose for Playboy Magazine.

Yeah, this is a great idea, because nothing says serious actress more than letting it all hang out in a magazine that jumped the shark YEARS ago.

October 25, 2011

NAUGHTY, BAWDY, GAUDY 42ND STREET

This is what 42 Street looked like in 1996, right before the vacant porn theatres were replaced with The Disney Store, Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum, and a Chevy's Fresh Mex (sigh). I lived just around the corner on W. 43rd Street (1996-1998) at the time this photo was taken.

Although I didn't see it at the time, it was the first sign that The City So Nice, They Named It Twice was quickly on its way to losing its edge.

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

Oh, what I wouldn't give for this to be my medicine cabinet

You’ve got to climb Mount Everest to reach The Valley of the Dolls. It’s a brutal climb to reach that peak. You stand there waiting for the rush of exhilaration. But it doesn’t come. You’re alone and the feeling of loneliness is overpowering.

- - Jacqueline Susann

SHUTTERBUG

I would really love to have this camera, just because.

October 24, 2011

GOLDEN PARACHUTE

Apparently, you can totally fuck up a company's bottom-line, and still cash a pretty hefty paycheck.

24/7 Wall St. (via MSNBC) has just published a list of the top executives who continue to receive multi-million dollar salaries, even as the stock prices of the companies they run, plummet.

Here are a few examples:

Laurence Fink
Company: BlackRock Inc.
Total compensation: $23,839,294
Change in stock price: -17.9 percent

Tom Ward
Company: SandRidge Energy Inc.
Total compensation: $21,756,257
Change in stock price: -22.4 percent

John Chambers
Company: Cisco Systems
Total compensation: $18,871,875
Change in stock price: -31.4 percent

Oh man, what I wouldn't give to be at the next shareholders meetings for any of these companies. Click here to read about a few more of the guys who are still getting paid for doing, seemingly, nothing.

WHACK JOB

comedian Whitney Cummings (real name), porn legend Ron Jeremy, and host Dave Attell

I can only imagine how the pitch meeting for this show went:

It's old-school porn meets Mystery Science Theatre 3000

Comedian Dave Attell's new Showtime series, Dave's Old Porn, is exactly just that.

Dave and his special guest (this week it was Whitney Cummings) sit there and watch old porn films, while providing some very witty commentary.

Seriously, folks, this is one show that needs to be on your DVR schedule.

So Hilarious.

JUST A GIGOLO

She: Have you ever paid for sex?

Me: Haven't we all paid?

That was part of an actual conversation between a co-worker and myself several years ago at the to big to fail Lehman Brothers. We used to talk about the craziest stuff there, always a good time.

I miss working there.

Anyway, I mention it because even though this show has been on for several months, I just caught part of an episode of Gigolos on Showtime for the first time and I have to say, I was a little disturbed.

It's a supposed reality show that revolves around a few gigolos and their "pimp" (I'm not sure, I accidentally tuned in about halfway through) in Las Vegas. I guess what I found disturbing is that cameras were allowed to film the exchange of services between the gigolo and his client (in this episode, a hairdresser from Sacramento).

I wondered how "real" it could be, since I'm not sure how many people would allow themselves be filmed paying for sex and then performing in front of a television crew. Turns out, according to The Daily Beast, the clients are being paid for their services, as well.

So strange.

October 23, 2011

MVP

St. Louis Cardinals Albert Pujols

New York Yankees Reggie Jackson (1977 Series)

New York Yankees Babe Ruth

That is some great company you're with, Pujols.

I love, love, LOVED seeing that 16-7 prison rape of the Texas Rangers at Game 3 of the World Series. It was especially satisfying watching it all go down at the Rangers home field.

That HAD to hurt.

Good.