FROM THE DESK OF . . .

To:  Chitibank (oops, force of habit, sorry) Citibank
Account number: 415FUCKYOU
Re: Account fees

To whom it may concern:

I have recently received a letter regarding some account changes that are coming my way. My account, I am told, will now be charged $15 a month if I do not maintain a minimum balance of a certain amount. You have stated I can avoid the monthly service fee if I sign- up for Direct Deposit, AND have at least one BillPay transaction a month.

Okay, just so you know, I already have Direct Deposit. BillPay is something I would not use, as that service does nothing more than mail out a check on my behalf to whomever I request you to do so, via an online request . . . for a nominal fee.

Now why would I pay you to send a check for me, when I have a checkbook here at home, AND a mailbox at the end of the block?

So stupid.

As a taxpayer, I (against my will, by the way) lent you hundreds of billions of dollars, via TARP, to keep you from going out of business. So as a thank you gift, you're going to now charge me for holding on to my money, instead of giving me a toaster, like banks used to famously give out to loyal customers back in the day?

Well, fuck that in the face!

Just so you know, I will be moving my vast fortune to a local credit union, instead.

Let's not say we'll keep in touch, shall we?

Warmest regards,

Scott

PICTURE THIS

One of the MANY reasons I love my DROID so much is the Retro Styler photo app.

Here are a couple of recent shots of Coit Tower (picture one) and the restored Emporium Dome at the Westfield Shopping Center near Union Square (picture two).

Enjoy.

IT SUITS ME WELL

OH YES. Me likey this suit a lot!

GOVERNATOR

“The recall happens and people are asking me, ‘What are you going to do?’ ” he says, dodging vagrants and joggers along the beach bike path. “I thought about it but decided I wasn’t going to do it. I told Maria I wasn’t running. I told everyone I wasn’t running. I wasn’t running.”

Then, in the middle of the recall madness, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines opened. As the movie’s leading machine, he was expected to appear on The Tonight Show to promote it. En route he experienced a familiar impulse—the impulse to do something out of the ordinary. “I just thought, This will freak everyone out,” he says. “It’ll be so funny.

-- Former California Governor and Hollywood douche bag Arnold Schwarzenegger, in an interview with Vanity Fair, on newsstands now.

So you ran just because you thought it would be funny? Wow, what a dick.

No better words were ever spoken than when Alexis de Tocqueville said "In a Democracy, the people get the government they deserve"

UMMM . . .

When the World Trade Center project was first proposed back in the 1960's, many local groups fought the plan and put out a poster of what was then the largest airline in the air (Boeing 707), crashing into one of the twin towers. It was supposed to be a warning with the idea being if you build it too high, this is what could happen.

I've seen the posters and they are quite chilling, considering what happened. I've been trolling around the interweb to find them and instead, came across this honest-to-goodness PIA (Pakistan International Airlines) ad from the early 1980's.

As chilling as those posters were, my jaw just hit the floor when I found this one. Amazing.

EAT SHIT AND DIE

Penny-wise and many pounds foolish.

HEALTH FOOD

This is from an era when doctors did commercials touting the health benefits from smoking cigarettes.

Hilarious.

SOLE DESIRE/GOODFELLAS SMASH-UP

Tommy DeVito: No more shines, Billy.

Billy Batts: What?

Tommy DeVito: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes anymore.

Billy Batts: Relax, will ya? Ya flip right out, what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with ya.

Tommy DeVito: Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know, there's a lotta people around.

Billy Batts: I'm only kidding with you, we're having a party, I just came home and I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm breaking your balls, and you're getting fucking fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.

Tommy DeVito: I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem.

Billy Batts: Okay, salud . . . [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.

I love Goodfellas and I really like these shoes.

TARDY TO THE PARTY: THE HELP

Two-slice Hilly.

Good movie.

안전 여행

Pan Am China Clipper service, San Francisco, 1940

당신은 돌아 올께.

안전 여행, Arlene.

GOD LOVES THE FOO FIGHTERS

They're already a great band, but here is another reason to love, love, LOVE the Foo Fighters.

I've been to a couple of counter-Westboro Baptist Church protests, and they are fun. There is nothing more enjoyable than watching their inbred asses squirm in disgust as you enjoy a same-sex kiss in their faces.

For those of you not in the know, the Westboro Baptist Church is a group of assholes from Kansas who protest the funerals of fallen U.S. soldiers. They believe those soldiers deserved to die and burn in hell for defending a country that tolerates homosexuality.

Thanks, Foo Fighters. You guys are AWESOME.

DEFCON 4

Yeah, I probably have.

SUBWAY

I've blogged this a few times before, but my absolute favourite thing in New York City is its beloved AND bemoaned subway system.

Here are a few pics that may or may not have me in them.

Enjoy.

SHAME

At a recent GOP debate, an active-duty soldier was booed by members of the audience when he asked if any of the candidates on the stage would circumvent the progress made on the issue of gay and lesbian soldiers serving openly in the military.

I think it's pretty reprehensible to boo a soldier who, by the way, VOLUNTEERED to serve our country. As reprehensible as that was, the fact that not one single candidate on stage defended that soldier and denounce those who booed is shameful, embarrassing, and once again proves that the Republican Party does not support the troops, and never has.

When in power, the Repugnicans rigged elections in their favor based on false terrorist security alerts, invaded a country based on false information, sent troops into war without the proper equipment, and even questioned the patriotism of those who questioned any or all of the above.

One of the candidates on stage, Michele "Skidmark" Bachmann (R-Mn.) has proposed a plan for cutting $400 billion in federal spending that includes freezing Veterans Affairs Department health care spending and cutting veterans' disability benefits. Her proposed VA budget cuts would account for $4.5 billion of the savings included in the plan, posted on her official House of Representatives website.

Wow, way to show your support for the troops, assholes.

THE MESSAGE

Yup, works for me.

CHASING WATERFALLS

This is where I would love to be right now.

TOUJOUR L'AMOUR, MIETTE

Kristie had the Valrhona Chocolate on Chocolate Wafers

I had the Crème Fraîche on honey-made Graham Crackers

Alyce, you missed out on some very good ice cream.

Miette, once again, you have not disappointed.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

HAVING CHURCH

Hell yeah. Go ahead and have fun now, because there is no eternal life.

AMERICAN PSYCHO

Patrick Bateman: You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

I love the movie American Psycho.

CLUELESS

Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

I love the movie Clueless.

LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW

I've got a pretty good idea that I'd really love these movies.

PINE VALLEY

I'm sure we'll all manage to dust ourselves off, pick up the pieces and go on with our lives, but it's going to be hard imagine a world without All My Children. It's final episode, after 41 years on the air, is today.

My grandmother was devoted from day one, so if I was at her house on a weekday, I was watching the show, as well. In fact, in the days before VCR's, if she was going to miss an episode, she would have me watch the show and then call me for the update.

They did have some pretty fun storylines. Tad and Dottie on the run from the mob, Erica shouting down a bear (and yes, it ran off), Brooke's stalker, Haley going into a shower as a brunette and coming out a blonde, Jenny and Greg, all AMC classic moments. Nothing amused me more than to have Brooke say "Oh Aunt Phoebe, shut up," with Phoebe ALWAYS reacting as if she had just been slapped in the face.

So long, residents of Pine Valley (Pennsylvania, for all you trivia buffs). You really are going to be missed.

TRUCKASAURUS

I happened upon this gas-guzzling monstrosity during a recent afternoon walk. This truck was so large, it had to be partially parked on the sidewalk so it wouldn't stick out too far on the street.

The only thing I have to say is what the great Heidi would have said, had she been with me:

"SORRY ABOUT YOUR PENIS."

SEE FOOD DIET

Gimme, gimme, gimme, mine, mine, mine!

I didn't take this picture or order this sandwich, but man, I wish I had. Looks to me like it's a Tri-Tip Sandwich, with tomatoes, lettuce, and delicately placed between two slices of grilled sourdough bread.

mmmmmmmm

PHOTOSHOP

I love photo booths.

While shopping at a mall in Hartford, Connecticut back in 1996, a friend of mine and I came upon a photo booth. He stopped and thought for a second, then handed me his shopping bag and asked me to stand guard outside. He walked in, closed the curtain behind him, dropped trou, and went on to do the same thing as pictured above.

I love photo booths.

YIPPEE!

I'm currently working on a project for a major clothing retailer here in town. They had already gone through two copywriters with the Fall/Winter '11 copy, so when I was brought on, I was informed that I REALLY needed to hit a home run with what I was working on.

No pressure.

Copy was written, sent in, and this was the response I got:

Wow!  What a vast improvement!!!  We really like the direction . . . I think we are

on the right page and can move forward.

So excited.

FOLLOWS DIRECTIONS WELL

I laughed out loud when I came across this on another blog, and noticed immediately that I was resting my chin on my left hand.

GRUMPY OLD MEN

While guesting on The Howard Stern Show, singer/activist Tony Bennett had this to say about the terrorist that attacked us on September 11, 2001:

“They flew the plane in, but we caused it . . . Because we were bombing them

and they told us to stop.”

He went on to say that President George W. Bush had also said to him that he (the president) thought the Iraq War might have been a mistake.

Well, duh.

It's going to be interesting how this will affect the sales of his new album, Duets II, which dropped yesterday. This a pretty controversial thing to say, especially since we just marked (with ridiculous pomp and circumstance, I might add) the 10th year since that day.

By the way, I think he's absolutely right.

ARCADE FIRE

I love this song and I love this album.

BEST COAST

Take modern-day cynicism, toss in a heapin' helpin' of 60's girl group charm, top it off with a Phil Spector Wall of Sound vibe, and you've got Best Coast's Our Deal.

You've also got one of my favorites, as well.

While this isn't the official video (that one was brilliantly directed by Drew Barrymore and can be viewed here), it's a very good alternative.

Enjoy.

SPOKES

I was surfing my way through the New York Times this morning, when I happened upon an article that amused me very much.

It seems that Gotham City pedestrians are having the same kind of issues with self-important and douchey bike riders as San Francisco side-walkers do. According to the article, more than 500 pedestrians each year are hospitalized due to injuries sustained from accidents involving cyclists.

Gee, when I lived there, it was the cabs you had to worry about. You may be shocked to hear this, but I did have to kick a cab or two as they passed by me too closely. Argued with a few of those drivers, as well.

In fact, I've been thinking about starting my own version of Taxicab Confessions here at the Steaming Poop.

Let me know if you think you'd be interested.

EAT THE RICH

"It's only right we ask everyone to pay their fair share . . . This is not class warfare. It's math."

Alright, Mr. President, you know I'm with you on this, but you need to really stick to your guns this time, and show me (and everyone who backed you in '08) that you're not fucking around, anymore.

SUMMER BREEZE MAKES ME FEEL FINE

Indian Summer has arrived in San Francisco, and not a moment too soon.

All hail the higher temperatures, HOO-RA-UH!

DERAILED

I was so happy when the High-Speed Rail bonds were passed by California voters, a few years ago. Flying has become such a pain in the ass that I haven't set foot in an airport in two years, now (and I used to be such a fly-aholic). Driving to Los Angeles is dull, and the current train service takes too damn long, so I thought this was going to be a great alternative.

Unfortunately, it looks like the train may never leave the station, after all.

I read on SFGATE this morning about the latest round of lawsuits regarding routes and location of the tracks and stations. One recent lawsuit was filed by the city of Palmdale, Ca, over fears that rail officials will abandon a planned Antelope Valley line through the city and reroute the tracks up Interstate 5 instead.

Let me get this straight. You THINK the route MIGHT be changed, so you're going to waste taxpayer money and time for a seemingly frivolous lawsuit based on something that hasn't (or may not even) happened?

So stupid.

CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES

Your moment of Zen.

MOONSHINE

I can only hope that Costco has this in stock.

CLOSET CASE

Oh man, what I wouldn't give for this to be my closet. I am loving everything in it!

SUNDAY FUNNIES

HOUSE PARTY

A birthday party was held in my honour last night. It got a little raucous, but a good time was had by all, and here are some slides from the festivities.

Thanks again to everyone involved. I had an AWESOME time.

Kim was serving up cake . . .

. . . and ice cream (by the way, nice rack, kim)

the party budget didn't allow for a stripper, so Heidi got up
and danced the hoochie-koochie for everyone

I took advantage of the bottomless champagne . . .

. . . and then took my clothes of to show everyone my imitation of Jake Gyllenhaal's
imitation of Grace Jones

FOODIE CALL

a very nice Cabernet

mascarpone, fontina, and cheddar, oh my

Halibut, served on a bed of thin-sliced potatoes, asparagus tips
with olive oil, salt, pepper and lemons

Birthday dinner, courtesy of fellow former choir nerd, Kim.

It was sublime.

CAMERA OBSCURA

I would to love to have any of these in my collection.