To: Chitibank (oops, force of habit, sorry) Citibank
Account number: 415FUCKYOU
Re: Account fees
To whom it may concern:
I have recently received a letter regarding some account changes that are coming my way. My account, I am told, will now be charged $15 a month if I do not maintain a minimum balance of a certain amount. You have stated I can avoid the monthly service fee if I sign- up for Direct Deposit, AND have at least one BillPay transaction a month.
Okay, just so you know, I already have Direct Deposit. BillPay is something I would not use, as that service does nothing more than mail out a check on my behalf to whomever I request you to do so, via an online request . . . for a nominal fee.
Now why would I pay you to send a check for me, when I have a checkbook here at home, AND a mailbox at the end of the block?
Now why would I pay you to send a check for me, when I have a checkbook here at home, AND a mailbox at the end of the block?
So stupid.
As a taxpayer, I (against my will, by the way) lent you hundreds of billions of dollars, via TARP, to keep you from going out of business. So as a thank you gift, you're going to now charge me for holding on to my money, instead of giving me a toaster, like banks used to famously give out to loyal customers back in the day?
Well, fuck that in the face!
Just so you know, I will be moving my vast fortune to a local credit union, instead.
Let's not say we'll keep in touch, shall we?
Just so you know, I will be moving my vast fortune to a local credit union, instead.
Let's not say we'll keep in touch, shall we?
Warmest regards,
Scott
Hi Scott, it's Mike from Citi, hope all is well. I've been enjoying your blogposts, been reading some of them today, although I saw a little more of the former governor of the great state of California than I wanted to see :)
ReplyDeleteAs ticked off as you are with us, I figure it can't hurt to try to convince you to stay. How much more damamge could I do in your eyes? :)
Before you move your fortune to credit union (in the end if that's your decision I respect it), we can convert you into a banking package where you can totally avoid monthly fees by maintaining an average minimum monthly balance of $1,500 combined in checking/savings or by doing one direct deposit and one online bill pay. I know you have issues with online bill pay, but I did speak with the team who runs the platform and they tell me that we do pay many companies electronically. Also, there are many enhancements planned, and I'd like to have you speak with a member of that team to learn more about it.
Back to the banking package, I can have someone on the banking team personally reach out to you and discuss which option is right for you.
Lastly, in the end, if all that matters is the new toaster.....then what address should it be sent to? kiddin.
Let's change your banking package so you can easily avoid fees, and stay with us.
You can reach me at michael.cardace@citi.com. At the very least, now you have a personal punching bag if ever you have an issue in the future. :)
Regards,
Mike Cardace, Citi
ps: If you're ever in New York, hit me up, and we'll grab a cup of coffee