THE NEW MATH

I didn't support the bailouts. My belief was, and still is, you can't privatize your profits and socialize your losses.

However, a report recently released by the Congressional Budget Office (a non-partisan organization, by the way) says that the $750 Billion spent on TARP ended up only costing taxpayers $25 Billion.

Earlier this fall, most people laughed when the Obama Administration said that the amount would be $50 Billion, the belief that it was just a bit of a "Rosey" estimate.

So taxes are the lowest they've been since 1960, the economy is, slowly, coming back to life, and (among other accomplishments of the Obama Administration) TARP pretty much did what it was supposed to do, yet it's the Republicans who have been given the reins?

NOW BOARDING

There was once a time when going to the airport was exciting.

San Francisco International Airport used to be, at least I thought, a very glamorous place to visit. It was a single terminal in those days, with an interior decorated in white marble, had lots of sexy Stewardesses walking around (that's what they were called back then AND THEY LIKED IT), and a few Hare Krishna's thrown in the mix.

Ah, the Bay Area in the 70's. Fun, fun, fun.

I came across some photos recently of the old terminal (which is currently being remodeled for VirginAmerica), and thought you'd enjoy a reminder of the days when flying was a privilege, not a pain in the ass.

FROM THE DESK OF

To: Vampire Weekend
From: Scott Crayne
Re: Licensing agreements

Dear Vampire Weekend:

Please stop licensing your music for commercial use. I'm starting to get annoyed because now when one of your songs pops up on my MP3 player, I catch myself thinking "what commercial is this from?"

I suppose that's the goal of the advertiser who used your music, so kudos to them. That's money well-spent.

But, come on, man. You guys have have released some great music, but you've only been around for a few years. It's too soon to be selling out and if this keeps up, I'll have to start thinking about deleting your music from my library.

Thank you.

RHAPSODY IN BLUE

My OZ.

SMUG ALERT

I find the more time I spend on the road, the more I see that the douchiest drivers out there are the one's in hybrids. Prius drivers, in particular, are the worst offenders.

I've seen these drivers turn or change lanes without signaling, drive along in the rain without their lights on, and speed down the freeway at 75-85 mph (which i doubt is doing much for your gas milege or the environment).

Trey Parker and Matt Stone skewer these "saviors of the environment" in a particularly hilarious episode of South Park called Smug Alert. The clip here is just commentary from Trey and Matt, but they really hit the nail on the head with their comments about San Franciscans, a city filled with some of the smuggest folks on earth.

LICENSE TO DRIVE

The Nissan Altima 2.5 S was my holiday ride this Thanksgiving.

I suppose Hertz thinks this is an upgrade. Mr. Crayne, however, thought it was a total snooze-fest.

DRIVING MISS TURKEY

Ok, you take two choir nerds, add a natural turkey, mix in some alcohol, and this is what you get.

TOUJOUR L'AMOUR, MIETTE

The BEST Carrot Cake EVER!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

From the staff of the Steaming Poop blog.

SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA

Today's much-coveted Pooper-Scooper award goes to "HELLA," for the amusing Google Street View link she sent over to our offices.

There are many amusing shots of people getting caught leaving porn shops, flashing their backsides, and flipping the bird as the Google camera passes by.

Now I know what to do next time I see them driving down my street.

Check 'em out, some pretty amazing shots are included as well.

UP IN THE AIR

As you sit in the terminal today, waiting for your delayed and oversold flight to begin boarding, you should read this article I came across on MSNBC this morning. It goes on about how passengers are finally getting fed up with their flight experiences.

Personal opinion, of course, but passengers have no one to blame but themselves.

Constant screaming for low fares have caused the airlines to charge for pillows, blankets, meal service, better seating, luggage check-in, lavatories (come on, you know that charge is on the horizon).

A quote in the article pretty much says it all: " . . . if we pay Greyhound bus prices, we should expect Greyhound bus service."

Enjoy your flights home this Thanksgiving.

A WALKING CONTRADICTION

When quizzed on why she felt the need for a 14-foot fence around her home, Ms. Palin claimed it was for privacy, yet she now has a "reality show" on TLC.

Ms. Palin has criticized American Idol for encouraging the "cult of self-esteem" and that "no one they have encountered, from parents to teacher, to the their president - wanted them to feel bad by telling hearing the truth."

Hmmm, that's interesting. I wonder if Ms. Palin ever told her daughter, Bristol, that she sucked as a dancer (even though she 'stars' on another reality-type show, Dancing With The Stars).

(sigh)

Oh, how I weep for the trees that were cut down for the paper used to print her new book.

NOW BOARDING

75 years ago today, Pan Am's fabled China Clipper service began with a 59-hour flight between Alameda and the Philippines. That first flight carried mail only, but a legend was born.

Soon after, passenger service started, with seats going for $950 each way (just over $14,000 when adjusted for inflation). The take-off point was later moved to the just-opened, man-made Treasure Island for the 1939 World's Fair.

ARS GRATIA ARTIS

My NEW favourite piece of art, currently on display at the DeYoung Museum in Golden Gate Park. Saw it with the parentals today, nice way to spend the afternoon.

The Violet Wave by George Lacombe

THE PROMISED LAND

It's going to be so good to be back home.

AMBER ALERT

A "Schmason" has been reported missing from the outback. Addicted to cookies and cookie treats, he may just be out looking for a fix.

However, it's been several hours now since he was last sighted and we're all getting a little worried.

EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD

Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the new taxi cab that is set to hit the streets of New York City.

Hmm, not sure if I like it.

FEED ME, SEYMOUR (AND A SPECIAL THANKS)

The Ensalada con Pollo at Sol Food.

Now normally, I would go on about the food, which was good. However, I'm going to give a little shout-out to my benefactor this evening, instead.

Today, I was unceremoniously told that my work contract was not going to be renewed at the end of next month (oh, by the way, Fuck You, Burgos). I knew it was coming and I'm okay with it, but I wasn't really looking forward the commute home. Officemate Ryan immediately asked if I wanted to go out.

YES, was the answer when a drive up to Sol Food was suggested.

Ryan is a pretty cool guy. He's got a terrific sense of humor, writes a good blog (even though he doesn't update it nearly enough), and is one of the few people I work with that I am comfortable spending a little time with outside of the office.

Thanks again, Ryan. All the good that comes your way is deserved.

PICTURE THIS

We had a pretty spectacular sunset today. Enjoy.

TOUJOUR L'AMOUR, MIETTE

All-American Toffee

Ok, making this treat last the entire weekend is going to be a TRUE exercise in restraint.

GUESS WHO, DON'T SUE

"She uses her arrogance to mask her lack of intelligence and talent."

Just something I recently overheard.

PICTURE THIS

Nothing fancy here, just a nice and tranquil moment on the bay this afternoon.

YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME

You know you're an old-school Californian if you remember the much beloved-airline PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines).

I was eight years old the first time I flew (on PSA, and by myself, I might add) from SFO to BUR (San Francisco - Burbank, for those unfamiliar with airline codes). When we landed, they drove the stairs up to the plane and we exited on the tarmac. I absolutely loved that (very glamorous, I thought) and understand it's one of the few airports in the U.S. that still does this.

Oh, and how about those Stewardess uniforms. Hot Pants and Go-Go Boots? No wonder those planes were all painted with a smile on the front.

THANKS

Thanks to Pat, his brother Donald, and to every other veteran today (and everyday) for your service and sacrifice.

IT BURNS EVERYTIME I HIT 'SEND CALL'

Researchers in England have announced they are working to create a program that allows smart phone users to be tested for STD's via their phones.

Those who believe they may have been infected with gonorrhea or chlamydia and are too embarrassed to visit the local clinic, will be able to put urine or saliva on a computer chip, which they would insert their phone or computer. Results would be available within a few minutes.

So what are they going to call this, the Clap App?

COVER TO COVER

On the way to the beach back in 1988, I stopped at the Crown Books on Sutter Street to pick up a few magazines and saw this book next to the register. Knowing nothing about it or the author, James Robert Baker, i grabbed it anyway and wasn't disappointed. It's a hilarious read that is totally recommended.

"Shark told me he didn't have sex with Sue, or jerk off or anything, for like two weeks before his physical, and when the day came he didn't wear any underwear, knowing full well that all the guys had to strip down to their underwear to go through the procedure. So there was Shark walking around with his folder totally naked. Then, he said, he used all his powers of concentration imaging he was having excruciating sex with Kathy Petro so that he got this huge fuckin' hard on, and the army doctors and everybody became totally disturbed. They put him in line to see the shrink, and while he was standing there, without touching himself or anything, he like totally shot off all over the place, getting jiz on the guy in front of him in line.

Everybody when apeshit, and they figured Shark was gay, so they stamped him 4-F and sent him home."

IN THE CLOSET

Well, almost, and just like Nomi, I finally got a Versace.

The Peaked-lapel suit was ordered today, and should be in my closet (after alterations are completed) in a couple of weeks.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE

"Within 10 or 15 minutes their scrotal temperature is already above what we consider safe, but they don't feel it."

A wildly funny sentence from a wildly funny yet serious news story about the consequences when men lay their laptops on, well, top of their laps.

NOT AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

A "Schmason" was spotted in the outback, recently. Addicted to cookies and cookie treats, the "Schmason" is also known to have an insatiable appetite for America's Next Top Model.

But having watched that show for 20 years now, I think he should have known he needed to bring it to the next level at his most recent photo shoot. It seems to me like he's fading from the competition.

What would Tyra say?

TRIPLE-AXLE

I'm not sure how I feel out outdoor ice rinks in California.

It was 71 degrees when this one, at San Francisco's Justin Herman Plaza, was being set up.

FEED ME, SEYMOUR - a not-so-blind item

three blind mice
three blind mice

here's what they ate
here's what they ate

ensalada con bistec (me)
ensalada con pollo (them)

three blind mice
three blind mice

(photo courtesy of IAO)

(BLACK AND) ORANGE CRUSH

Ryan and I were two of the estimated 500,000 people at the San Francisco Giants victory parade, yesterday.

BLUE CRUSH

There are eight millions stories in the naked city, and this is one of them.

While attending the wrap-party for late-night cable show Midnight Spike, surfing superstar Laird Hamilton wandered over and sat down at our table. Natalie Portman, whom I had danced with earlier, came over and introduced herself to him.

Anyway, he noticed that we were drinking Veuve Cliquot (my favourite champagne, by the way) and offered to get the next bottle. We happily accepted. Laird went up to the bar, brought back the bottle and said his goodbyes to everyone.

Later that evening, when closing out the bill, it was noticed that the second bottle of champagne Laird offered to get us was on the bill. We kind of looked at each other and said "really, REALLY?"

Technically, I guess he did what he said he was going to do. I mean, he did get the next bottle.

There are 8 million stories in the naked city, and this was one of them.

DREAM CRUSHED

The party of "NO" strikes again.

Barely two days after the elections, the Republican who is set to take over control of the House Transportation Committee has announced he's is taking a second look at the billions of dollars awarded to various high-speed rail projects around the country.

Representative John Mica (Florida) says he doesn't believe that Californians will use the service enough to offset the costs of building it. Instead, Mr. Mica believes that high-speed rail service projects should be built in more densely populated areas, such as the Northeast Corridor.

Um, I'm not sure if Representative Mica is aware of this, but the area he speaks about already HAS high-speed service, Amtrak's Acela.

(sigh)

IT'S MY HOMETOWN, CHARLIE BROWN

Once upon a time, there was a comic strip artist who, quite often, mentioned Petaluma in his strip.

Thanks, Charles Schultz. I always got a kick seeing the town I was growing up in get shout-out in your cartoons.

AND HERE'S MEG WITH THE SPORTS

Pretty much every sportscaster in the country got it wrong when it came to calling the outcome of the World Series . . .

. . . well, every one except Meg "Boom-Boom" Whitman, who predicted the Giants would take the series in the fifth game, which they did.

It's a shame Meg couldn't predict that even with spending nearly $160 million of her own dollars, she would still lose the election (by nearly 12%).

IT'S ALWAYS FAIR WEATHER

Yes, it is well documented that I am a New York Yankee fan, but I've had this jersey for over 20 years, and they are the home team, so if you don't like it, go suck it hard!

Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants for beating the Texas Rangers (and in their own stadium, I love that).

(photo courtesy of IAO)

FIRST TUESDAY AFTER THE FIRST MONDAY IN NOVEMBER - YOUR OFFICIAL STEAMING POOP VOTER GUIDE

This is your official clip and carry voter guide. I'm not covering EVERY proposition or candidate, just the important ones. Remember, you can't bitch about how things are run if you don't vote. So do it, because voting is important AND it's sexy.

State Offices:

Governor - Jerry Brown (D) - Come on, do you really have to ask why?

Lt. Governor - No recommendation - Lt. Governors' don't really do much, something Gavin Newsom (who is the democratic nominee) has trained for during his years as the mayor of San Francisco, so I should endorse him, but I won't.

Attorney General - No Recommendation

Secretary of State - Debra Bowen

Federal Offices

U.S. Senate: Barbara Boxer (D) - I'm hesitant in my endorsement of her, but, come on. Carly Fiorina? You can't run on the platform of job creation when you laid off 30,000 of your employees, ship their jobs overseas and then nearly run a highly respected company like HP into the ground.

San Francisco City Board of Supervisors

City Supervisor (District 8) - Rafael Mandelman - He is a bit more progressive than I like my elected officials to be, but he's smart, has some good ideas, grew up in San Francisco, and he's a friend.

State Propositions

Proposition 19: Yes - This will legalize Marijuana and make it taxable. It is a flawed proposition, but it's a good start and the loopholes can be closed as we go forward. The Feds have promised to fight this if it passes.

Proposition 21: Yes - Increases the vehicle license fee by $18 a year, which goes to fund our beloved state parks.

Proposition 23: No - Tesoro and Valero (two Texas oil companies) are bank-rolling the YES campaign, that's reason enough to vote NO.

Proposition 25: Yes - Would end the 2/3 majority rule on the passage of state budgets.

Proposition 26: No - Voters should NOT be given permission to vote on taxation - California voters have proven time and again that they cannot be trusted when it comes to having a say on tax increases. Besides, isn't that the job of our legislators anyway?

Local Propositions

Proposition A: Yes - Earthquake retrofitting bond measure - we need this.

Proposition B: No - I want to say vote YES on this, as I do feel the need for some kind of reform. However, city employees have already taken it on the chin, with furlough days and pay cuts. I don't believe any of our elected officials have offered to take any kind of pay cut, so because of that, I changed my mind and recommend a NO vote.

Proposition E: No - Passage would allow voters to register and vote on election day. I don't think it's a good idea to have same day registration. It leaves me with a fear of voter fraud.

Proposition G: Yes - This will amend the city charter so that the MUNI employees are no longer guaranteed to be the second-highest paid transit workers in the country. Maybe when MUNI becomes the "second-best public transportation system in the country", then we can revisit this "second-highest paid" thing.

Proposition L: Yes - The controversial sit/lie ordinance would prohibit sitting or laying on sidewalks from 7am to 11pm. The No on "L" campaign tag line is "Sidewalks are for People" and they're right. They're for people to WALK on, not pee on, shit on, lay all day on and aggressively panhandle.