ROADTRIP



Look out, Fernley, here we come.

SUNSHINE STATE

"The United States needs to be less dependent on foreign sources of energy and more dependent upon American resourcefulness. Whether that is in the Everglades, or whether that is in the eastern Gulf region, or whether that's in North Dakota, we need to go where the energy is . . . Of course it needs to be done responsibly. If we can't responsibly access energy in the Everglades then we shouldn't do it."

"No one wants to hurt or contaminate the earth . . . we don't want to harm our water, our ecosystems or the air. That is a minimum bar."

 -- Michele "Skidmark" Bachmann, on her latest plan to end America's dependence on foreign oil, by drilling in the environmentally-sensitive (and federally-protected) Florida Everglades.

Um, wow.

I think this might FINALLY be the first nail in the coffin where her ridiculous campaign will eventally lie in repose.

NUMBER 2

Only in America would you find elementary teachers, who are already so poorly-paid, having to spend their own money on what parents (via the taxes they feel they are paying too much of) should be doing, like buying basic school supplies, such as paper and pencils, for their students.

So sad, huh? I remember when schools were fully-funded and all you needed to bring to class was your lunch box, your homework, and whatever you chose to share for Show and Tell.

I read an article on SFGate that asked the question "Who should pay for school supplies?"

So who do you think should be covering this cost?

FOODIE CALL

I would normally use the headline "Toujour L'amour, Miette," since on the plate above is the Lemon Tart (which, by the way, was awesome), but I feel the need to give a huge shout-out to Gwen L.

There really is no substitute for homemade, especially when it's done well. The Apple Pie she brought to our latest Liberty get-together was perfect. The crust wasn't too sweet and the Gravenstein Apples she used were absolutely delicious.

Seriously, I think she could have a second career making these pies.

Thanks, Gwen.

HAU'OLI LA HANAU

your stylin' and profilin' editor-in-chief, wearing a traditional aloha shirt
 just before the total solar eclipse in Romania, August 1999.

A happy belated birthday to the traditional hawaiian Aloha Shirt, which turned 75 last month.

STORMS COMIN'

For a catergory 1, Hurricane Irene sure is getting a lot of press. Stay tough, New York City, you've weathered much bigger storms.

MY IDIOT NETWORK

Television network ABC has decided not to run the movie trailer for My Idiot Brother, which opens today. The Weinstein Company, producer of the film, was told by network officials in a memo that the following edits would have to be done before it could be aired on their network:

"Please remove the visual of the exchange of what is assumed to be drugs . . . Please remove the visual of the character using the juice box to depict urination . . . Please remove the references to getting high and smoking."

Really? REALLY?

So the network responsible for such high-brow and culturally-important programming as The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad, Extreme Makeover (when it was a plastic surgery show), and How Hot Are You?, felt that juice box urination simulation was too much for their seemingly bookish sensibilities?

At least they said "Please," right?

So ridiculous.

BARBER SHOP

"$40 bucks for a barber? This better be good."

That's what I thought to myself when I sat down and waited my turn for a haircut at the FSC Barber Shop, on Valencia and 18th Street, yesterday afternoon.

It was the most precise haircut that I've gotten since living in New York City, when I was going to Sam at Chelsea Barbers, on W. 23rd Street. My barber (I've already forgotten her name, but she's the young blond) hummed along to The Beatles, which was playing in the background, as she buzzed, cut, and shaved away the bad haircut I had received a few weeks before.

I walked out of there feeling pretty good and, most importantly, looking good, too.

So, $40 bucks for a barber?

Yeah, it was worth it.

JEEPERS CREEPERS

Where'd you get those peepers?

Seriously, I need know, 'cause I want 'em.

MEN'S FURNISHINGS

"I wore an ascot in 7th grade and got beat up"

-- Director John Waters

MTV AT 30

MTV (Music Television) turned 30 earlier this month, a milestone it has chosen to ignore (unless you count a clips marathon that was broadcast on VH-1 Classics).

Dicks.

Anyway, I read an article online where some random folks were asked what their top five favourite videos were. Even though I wasn't apart of that survey, I thought I would do the same, so here is my fourth on the list, Never Say Never by Romeo Void.

I've posted this video both here and on my Facebook page because it is THE BEST song from the 1980's and probably one of my all-time favourites.

It is to be played at my funeral.

Enjoy.

SOLE DESIRE

I feel like I need some new shoes (even though I don't need them), and this is the pair I want.

Love.

GIRL CRUSH

While ransacking the home of Moammar Gadhafi, Libyan rebel forces came across an album filled with photos of his (apparent) secret crush, former U.S. Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice.

Hilarious.

CHIPOTLE

Good customer service is such a rarity these days that when I experience it, I find myself at a loss for words. A perfect example of this was a recent visit to Chipotle that so knocked me out, I felt the need to shout it out to the world AND present to them The Steaming Poop Golden Stool Award.

I walked into to the Colma location last week and was immediately greeted by a woman who washed her hands before making the tacos pictured above. She was friendly and got my order right the first time. She passed it on to a guy who started to ring me up and while doing so, said "Wow, you've only got steak, salsa and guacamole?" I said "Yeah, I'm just keeping it simple, today." He immediately replied "Well, I'm gonna charge you less" and he took $2 off my order.

Talk about living by your words (Food with integrity).

Amazing.

NICE PACKAGE

This is hilarious. I had no idea that Kellogg's had a Jaws-inspired breakfast cereal.

It would have been so awesome if they had used the tag line "you're gonna need a bigger bowl," instead.

FOODIE CALL

Semifreddis ciabatta, a vine-ripened tomato, fresh mozzarella cheese from Berkeley and locally-grown basil (with just a little bit of dijon mustard) all made for an awesome sandwich yesterday.

NO SHIT

Here, here.

CAN OF WHUP-ASS

Now here is a can of something that I'd love to throw at those ridiculous and smarmy BART protestors.

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

"Be careful around January (Jones) . . . She's not as approachable as the others. She's really serious about what she does. Everyone else is so nice."

 -- Advice from Jared Gilmore, the 11-year old actor who played Don and Betty Draper's son on AMC's Mad Men, to his replacement, via a recent interview with TV Guide.

Ouch.

HAND JOB

I'm not sure why, but I am loving this photo so much.

WHITE WEDDING

So who wants to start the countdown of when the separation announcement of media whore Kim Kardashian and basketball player Kris Humphries hits the news?

FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

There is no one presidential candidate I am more opposed to than Michele "Skidmark" Bachmann. She has, however, proven to be quite a fun person to write about. I have rarely seen anyone say the kind of stupid shit that she seems to say, and with such regularity.

Her explanation for these seemingly reliable gaffes was recently explained with the comment "when you are speaking six times a day, slip-ups can occur."

LOL, really? That's your excuse, Michele?

Oh, that is rich.

How many times do you think you'll speak a day when you're the President of the United States?

Oh my god, she is such an idiot!

SNOW DAY

A chilly scene from winter, you might ask?

No, just another seemingly (and uncharacteristically) cold August morning in San Francisco.

UP IN SMOKE

Nobody but the brilliant John Waters could get away with something as funny as this No Smoking PSA that used to be shown at the Castro Theatre back in the 80's.

IN THE CLOSET

Oh man, what I wouldn't give for this to be my closet.

THE ODD COUPLE

80's pop singer Rick Astley and the perennially-depressed Morrissey.

YES, CHEF

I've been slowly sliding down a dangerous path, lately. I'm finding myself watching a little more "reality" programming than I care to admit, and my new favourite is Rocco's Dinner Party, hosted by Rocco DiSpirito, on Bravo.

Already famous for his early entry in the reality show trend, The Restaurant (which was filmed on a location just a few blocks from where I lived in Manhattan), Rocco does come with a pedigree, as well. He opened Union Pacific in the Gramercy Park neighborhood of Manhattan back in 1997, to great fanfare and reviews.

Tall, good-looking, successful, and thin, I have every reason to HATE Rocco. However, I'm finding it difficult to do that, as this show is pretty damn good. Three chefs from different backgrounds compete for two available spots, which then allows them to cook for Rocco and his celebrity friends. The chef who is chosen best by the guests walks away with a $20,000 grand prize.

The season finale was a 90-minute extravaganza, with the two competing chefs cooking for the legendary Liza Minnelli. Billed as her 65th birthday celebration, birthday guests included Alan Cumming, Sandra Bernhard, Kenneth Cole, Marvin Hamlisch, and Sam Harris. One chef in particular, Frank Picchione (who went on to win the grand prize) looked as if his head was going to explode, spreading confetti all over, when informed he was cooking for Ms. Liza with a Z herself.

The Master/Slave dynamic between host and competitors is probably my favorite part. It amuses me so much to watch the competitors answer Rocco with a submissive "Yes, Chef" or "No, Chef," as he questions their choices and cooking styles.

If you get a chance, you should check this show out, it's very entertaining.

FOODIE CALL

we both ordered the lobster bisque, made with crab and crème fraiche

my order - cabernet braised beef short rib, fettuccine pasta,
white corn, spinach, black truffle oil cream sauce - i know you're not supposed
to order beef in a restaurant that specializes in seafood, but i couldn't help myself.
i wasn't disappointed, either

mike's order - grilled prawns, fava bean and hearts of palm risotto, truffle vinaigrette

Dinner at Catch, with the bombastic Mike G.

CANDY DARLING

I laughed my fat ass off when I was gifted this bag of Yosemite Bear Poop by Pete and Gina (they had just spent a few days at Yosemite National Park before the big family reunion).

Consisting of carmelized peanuts and covered with powdered sugar, I quickly found them to be the perfect couch-surfing snack.

THIS HOUSE IS EXQUISITE, I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN OFFER

Seriously, the solitude this looks like it would provide is very appealing.

FREELANCER

Half the fun of being a freelancer is the projects you take to get you through to the next pay period, like the picture I posed for above.

Isn't it amazing what a little pancake makeup, the right camera filters, and good lighting can do?

PHOTOSHOP

Not sure what's going on here, but I love this photo.

MTV AT 30

MTV (Music Television) turned 30 earlier this month, a milestone it has chosen to ignore (unless you count a clips marathon that was broadcast on VH-1 Classics).

Dicks.

Anyway, I read an article online where some random folks were asked what their top five favourite videos were. Even though I wasn't apart of that survey, I thought I would do the same, so here is my third on the list, Lucky Star by Madonna.

Say what you will about Madonna and I'll probably agree with you, but you can't deny her place in that channel's history. They helped make each other what they are today.

It also happens to be the first Madonna video I saw. Enjoy.

GO BANTAMS

Presenting the Petaluma Junior High School Class of 1981.

Yes, my name appears on this shirt.

BLOSSOMING GIRL CRUSH

I was never a big fan of Mila Kunis, even though I really enjoyed the first couple of seasons of That '70's Show. She did little to change my mind when I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I didn't care for her in that movie, at all.

However, her teriffic performance in Black Swan had me do a double-take and this picture I came across a few days back has me thinking very warm thoughts about her.

SAY WHAT?

"Before we get started, let's all say happy birthday to Elvis Presley today!"

-- Michele "Skidmark" Bachmann, during a campaign stop yesterday.

The King of Rock and Roll's birthday is January 8, so when it was pointed out to her that August 16 is, in fact, the date of his death, her reply was:

"As far as we're concerned, he's still alive in our hearts."

I'm not sure if you can call a woman an asshole, but she is SUCH an asshole.

FKCUGNI CENSORS

VH-1 recently broadcast the 80's classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off and I was amused and bothered that they felt it was necessary to edit the word "Screw."

You remember the scene, long-shot in a high school hallway, and sister Jeannie (played brilliantly by Jennifer Grey) is having an internal rant about how her brother Ferris seems to get away with everything. As the camera pans closer, she say out loud, "Screw him."

On the VH-1 version, a different word was dubbed in. Really, VH-1? REALLY?

You are the network of Flavor of Love, Flavor Of Love Charm School, Rock of Love, Rock Of Love Charm School, Rock Of Love Bus, and I Love Money. All shows so jam-packed with skanks, whores, and strippers that I felt the need to start taking Valtrex after every episode. Shows so packed with low-end porn stars spewing out such memorable quotes as "I'm having an asthma attack, and there are whores in my face" or "this would be so much for fun if we were all naked." Shows where all these women were broadcast beating each other, while screaming WHORE and BITCH . . . and all, for the most part, unedited.

So, all of that was ok, but the line "Screw him" was just too much for your seemingly bookish sensibilities?

Wow.

BORN THIS WAY

“I can single-handedly dispel any ideas that sexuality is acquired,” he laughs. “Trust me, you’re born with it. My brother is gay, and we knew when he was two. We all knew."

"A lot of people don’t want their kid to be gay and will fight it at all costs . . . I’ve got news for you—it’s a losing fucking battle. The more you fight it, the more fucked-up your kid’s gonna be. You’ve just gotta embrace it from the beginning. That’s the only way to deal with it as a family. Otherwise, you’re just screwing yourself over, and you’re gonna make your kid miserable.”

-- Maroon 5 lead singer and The Voice judge Adam Levine.

Levine goes on, in an interview for Out Magazine (which I read on MSNBC), to criticize producers of American Idol, for their treatment of its gay contestants.

PICTURE THIS

Just a roadside feed mill I passed on the way out of Stockton, yesterday.

ROADTRIP

Oh, the drama, the drama.

Family reunion weekend is FINALLY upon us. Fingers are crossed and guns are loaded (just in case).

PARTY MONSTER

I've said this before and I'll say it again, if Oscars were presented to those who REALLY deserved them, then at the very least, Seth Green would have been nominated for his brilliant performance as New York City club kid James St. James in Party Monster.

He is so AWESOME!

ROBOT CHICKEN

I accidentally stumbled across Robot Chicken one night and was stunned I hadn't heard of it before. On the air for about five or six years now, this Seth Green-produced gem is one of the funniest shows on television.

Robot Chicken can be found on the Cartoon Network block of mature-themed animated shows called Adult Swim at 9pm.

ADULT TOY STORY

Is it just me, or do you also find it disturbingly amusing when childrens toys find their way into the adult world?

I doubt very much you'll find this Hello Kitty Ball Gag at your nearest Toys R Us or Sanrio stores.

HOOKED ON PHONICS

Snookie (or Snoozie, as I like to call her) on a television interview this morning:

"I know I don't have common sense, but I am book-smart"

(sigh)

Oh, and what book would that be, Snoozie, "Horton Hears A Ho'?"

THE MOST RIDICULOUS CITY IN THE WORLD IS . . .

. . . San Francisco.

When he was appointed as interim mayor (after Gavin Newsom was elected Lt. Governor), City Administrator Ed Lee said he had no intention of running for mayor when his term expired.

No one in the newsroom here at the poop was surprised when he had a change of heart and announced his candidacy for Mayor of San Francisco.

Not a big deal, right? Well, this is the Douchy Republic of San Francisco, so of course, people are upset. So much so that Mr. Lee was booed, heckled, and called "LIAR" by many in the audience when introduced at the first mayoral debate held at the Castro Theatre. Some even chanted "Liar, Liar, pants on fire."

Really? A room full of grown-ups yelling "Liar, Liar, pants on fire?"

(sigh)

I'm not sure what the issue is, here. So he got into office, he liked what he saw, changed his mind and decided he wanted to continue. Big deal.

Sometimes I think people who live in this city LOVE to scream about useless shit just so they can hear their own voices.

BACHMANN TURNER OVERDRIVE

I love this picture and it's one that has really pissed off a lot of people, although I have to ask why?

A candidate for the GOP nomination for President, Michele "Skidmark" Bachmann has proven many times over that she is just plain bat-shit crazy.

It's a pretty accurate representation, if you ask me.

WHINE AND CHEESE

Yeah, no shit.

The so-called Teabaggers have made a name for themselves by complaining about, among other things, high taxes (even though our tax rates are the lowest they've been in over 50 years).

Their latest whine is about how 46% of American households do not pay taxes, and they're twisting the statistic to prevent the increase of taxes for those who make more that $250,000. While that statistic is (sort of) true, I find it amusingly ironic that this anti-tax group is complaining about a segment of the population that isn't paying taxes.

Oh, and just so they know, that 46% is a correct statistic, however, that is because nearly 80% of those households not only make less than $30,000.00 a year, but those same households usually qualify for tax breaks such as college tuition, earned income credits, and child care.

PICTURE THIS - REDUX

Golden Gate Park

Ocean Beach

Highway One, looking north

Here kitty, kitty

Here are just a few pictures that I've posted in the past and thought deserved a second look. Besides, I was just too tired to rant about the latest Teabaggers stunt, which I plan to write about tomorrow.